I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
