i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
