If that was your dad, he is hot
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
