i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
