I think im going to throw up on grandma
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
