we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
