nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
