dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
