Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
FUCK WHALES
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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