I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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