called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
