Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
