you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
