So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
