How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
