Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
