Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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