If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
