When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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