p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
