it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
