all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
