No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize