Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize