hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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