Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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