my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
