From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we're making bets on your personal life
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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