dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
