Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
