i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
