I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
