It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
