I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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