i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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