She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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