she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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