Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
