Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
please come you make the beer taste better
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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