dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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