I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
