I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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