I think my vagina is haunted
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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