It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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