FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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