Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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