Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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