"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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