Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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