I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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