what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
