Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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