After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
