So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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