did you get engaged???
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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