"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
