He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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