What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
