so explain again why im purple
no
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
