I can't watch pbs sober anymore
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
