ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we made out on top of his cat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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