So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I cockslap morals
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
