two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
