i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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