Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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