You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
