Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
